The woman was speechless for a long moment and then muttered, “Apoc-ca-calypse?” Her scared expression carried a lot of weight.

The agent gave an “awwww” look and laughed. “Oh don’t worry. This isn’t one of those… an apocalypse I mean. We handle minor catastrophes and petty armageddons, as well. Now, if you’d be a dear listen to this.” She was about to respond, but immediately stopped in her tracks as Agent Parker pulled a pencil-like device from his pocket and waved it around her slightly hairy ear. A glaze came over her eyes as he then implanted her new thoughts, “There was no monster on your farm. This was all due to those damn coyotes. You’ll want to go buy a very big dog when you wake up.” And then she fell to the ground unconscious.

He turned back to his squad, running to his van and yelling, “OK, guys! Let’s wrap this up!” Opening the back doors, he let out a seemingly ravenous wolf from the vehicle. It was much larger than others of its kind and snarled as it exited, licking its chops. The tentacled beast recoiled in obvious fear of the wolf. Its tentacles grew suckers and it tried vigorously to pull itself away, giving the squad an opening to put the demon down for good with a few choice blows to the “what they guessed was” its head.

The monster melted into horrible pile of smelly goo and the wolf transformed into a scruffy looking man. He took a Cuban cigar from his pocket and smiled with a shit-eating grin. “I guess you all just needed my help. Can’t handle anything by yourselves, can you?”

“Pups are good for some things. Especially with scaring giant slugs,” Agent Parker replied, pointing back to the van. “And now I’m pretty sure you’re done.” The others began freezing and collecting the goo for further testing, ignoring the transgression between the squad leader and their resident troublemaker.